that's valid, but how you talk about yourself reflects on how you think about yourself
so while thinking "having a shitty older lover was weird" wouldn't be like, a bad thing, normally
in your case, given your tendency to blame yourself for bad things that happen to you, that kinda thing can escalate and land into you blaming yourself for not having had a typical teenagehood
so to sum it up: yeah, that was weird, but it wasn't weird bc of you
no subject
so while thinking "having a shitty older lover was weird" wouldn't be like, a bad thing, normally
in your case, given your tendency to blame yourself for bad things that happen to you, that kinda thing can escalate and land into you blaming yourself for not having had a typical teenagehood
so to sum it up: yeah, that was weird, but it wasn't weird bc of you