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[allyourfeels]

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[allyourfeels]

Hawthornes don't sound super healthy. And I mean, even when you know that's bullshit, you hear it so often it worms its way in.

[ His own parents weren't like that, but he was still using 'gay' as an insult well into his teens. ]

It takes time to unlearn all that.

[guylining]

Yeah. I know. I mean, in theory I know.

[ He hesitates, fingers still wringing around each other. ]

I guess I also worry about...everything's a mess for me, you know? I do my head in overthinking everything and I get so low, and then I throw myself into work, and...I know I'm a lot. And I worry that if I do talk about what I'm feeling or thinking, then whoever's hearing it is just gonna decide I'm too much. And they'll leave me.

I used to worry about that with Stephen all the time.

[allyourfeels]

And you're seeing this break-up as confirmation, right?

[ It's messed up, but Caleb gets it. He had the same concerns, still has them sometimes. ]

But the people worth having around will stay.

[guylining]

[ Nate's lips press together.

He nods.

Yeah, to him it's confirmation of the thing he's always feared. He was finally too much. ]

That's what I'm trying to tell myself. It's just...

[ A sigh. ]

It's not something I wanted to be right about, you know?

[allyourfeels]

Yeah, I know. But just because you were right once, it doesn't mean you're right in general.

I mean, I know this is still very fresh, but it wouldn't be fair for you and for the people close to you to distance yourself because of this.

[guylining]

I know. I'm not trying to, I promise.

Anyway, I'd just be heartbroken all over again, if I did.