( he's feeling good enough to tease, which is clearly good enough. right? another breath in, and oliver sits himself up. rubs a hand against the side of his neck. )
( caleb lays down, and oliver takes a moment, but does move to throw a leg over him, straddling his hips. presses hands down against his chest and keeps knees planted against the mattress on either side of caleb. )
I could ride you like this sometime, you know. Pull down your pants just enough to get your dick out, take mine off, grab the lube from the nightstand--
( his throat--tightens again. oliver feels like he can't breathe, but he's getting in short little quick breaths through his nose. forgets about distracting caleb, but he--stays in the moment. talks in a voice just barely over a whisper, )
Witches, back home--they can uh. ( another little breath in, eyes squeezing shut. ) get corrupted. By abusing power, using too much, pulling on magic they shouldn't. Or--like, dying, and coming back.
( another breath, but it's a little gaspy. he's afraid, but he's here. )
Corrupted witches turn into--monsters.
( his hands raise up, one gripping hard onto caleb's wrist, the other wiping at his eyes. )
I don't--want to die and come back. If I die I want to stay dead, but there's. no choice here.
( there's still some fear, some of that antsy energy that demands oliver to leave, run away, hurt whoever the fuck is near him because they're going to hurt him, or kill him, or both.
but he doesn't move caleb's hand away from his neck. starts rolling hips down against him, even. maybe if he works hard enough at getting himself turned on it'll make the rest of it better. )
You know you can't get this over with in one day, right?
[ he's a little worried oliver will want to leave her and try choke play. he can feel the tension there, and also the urge to get over it, like he's running a race and he just has to get past this one hurdle. ]
( look at how comfortable he is here, settled on top of caleb with fingers on his throat. clearly he's fine. this is obviously him coping and getting over it. oliver even reaches for caleb's other hand, to raise it up and--try to get those fingers around his throat, too. )
( alternatively he can just take caleb with him everywhere and have caleb actually shove him out of panic mode if he gets into it again. his own personal emotions balancer. that sounds easier.
oliver leans into caleb's hands, puts a little pressure against his neck. the panic flares--just for a moment, before oliver's refocusing on caleb himself. )
If we do this while making out, I think the fear might catch you by surprise. And if you end up associating the fear with me, that'd make making out harder.
[ there's probably easier ways, caleb could offer to lean into his power more, make the trigger go away via like... conditioning. he could make oli feel good about it.
but that would feel wrong and might send caleb into a panic attack, so he's just not gonna offer. ]
Yeah— but. I... I don't know if like, just making you not scared with me will make it so you're not scared when I'm not around. Or— it's kinda fucked up, isn't it? Fucking with someone's feelings like that?
[ caleb doesn't actually know. he hasn't really talked about this at depth with anyone. ]
( genuinely, because like. he doesn't like it. he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. he doesn't really want to leave here and find someone else to text asking them to actually try choking him but like. do it around him struggling until he stops so he chills out. that'd probably be effective, right. if he's just forced through the trauma and has to come out the other end. that sounds about right. )
Is it really fucked up if I ask you to do it? And if it doesn't work, then we'll know for later that it doesn't.
Okay. Okay, but if we do this, you gotta give yourself more than a day, okay? Like— I'll handle it today, and we can try again tomorrow and... uh, I don't know man, let's give it a week, at least?
[ he's very glad he's not oli's therapist because he doesn't have to try to sound sure about this. he's really not. ]
Deal. You help me today, we'll go for it again tomorrow, then maybe we'll find someone else we can try it with, and go from there.
( see he can be reasonable. kind of. oliver does push caleb's hands away from his neck for the moment, so he can move a hand down to press it against the mattress beside caleb's head. leans in close to him so he can press just the whisper of a kiss against his lips. )
( but he likes the kisses, and goes from one to another easily enough. nips soft at caleb's lower lip, before he's speaking while still pressed close. )
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[ but, but, he's not oli's therapist so he's not going to stop him. ]
I think... maybe if we don't kiss. And you see it coming, like, you know what's happening and what I'm doing, then it won't catch you by surprise.
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( so no kissing, fine. he's still a little on edge--not like, emotionally, but mentally. )
Can we try it? If it doesn't work out, we can drop it for now.
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[ that way oliver has an easy way out, less... claustrophobic, maybe. ]
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( he's feeling good enough to tease, which is clearly good enough. right? another breath in, and oliver sits himself up. rubs a hand against the side of his neck. )
Make yourself comfortable?
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This is science! Or something. Come on, if you get tense just draw back and then we can try again.
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I could ride you like this sometime, you know. Pull down your pants just enough to get your dick out, take mine off, grab the lube from the nightstand--
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[ it's kind of working, that's a hot idea, oliver riding him.
but he reaches up to place his hand against oliver's throat, nothing surprising or sudden about his movements. ]
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( his throat--tightens again. oliver feels like he can't breathe, but he's getting in short little quick breaths through his nose. forgets about distracting caleb, but he--stays in the moment. talks in a voice just barely over a whisper, )
Witches, back home--they can uh. ( another little breath in, eyes squeezing shut. ) get corrupted. By abusing power, using too much, pulling on magic they shouldn't. Or--like, dying, and coming back.
( another breath, but it's a little gaspy. he's afraid, but he's here. )
Corrupted witches turn into--monsters.
( his hands raise up, one gripping hard onto caleb's wrist, the other wiping at his eyes. )
I don't--want to die and come back. If I die I want to stay dead, but there's. no choice here.
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We'd figure out how to fix you.
[ there's enough wizards here to take down an army, he's sure they could figure something out.
he keeps his hand where it is, not squeezing but not letting up either. oliver can guide this. ]
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( eyes open once more, to look down to caleb below him. )
I'm pretty sure this's working because you're like seven times hotter than the guy who did strangle me.
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[ caleb actually think it's working because now oli has a clear out. it'll probably get harder the less control oli gets, but they can work on it. ]
But the witches here are pretty powerful. Like, multiversal heroes and shit.
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but he doesn't move caleb's hand away from his neck. starts rolling hips down against him, even. maybe if he works hard enough at getting himself turned on it'll make the rest of it better. )
Maybe.
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[ he's a little worried oliver will want to leave her and try choke play. he can feel the tension there, and also the urge to get over it, like he's running a race and he just has to get past this one hurdle. ]
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( look at how comfortable he is here, settled on top of caleb with fingers on his throat. clearly he's fine. this is obviously him coping and getting over it. oliver even reaches for caleb's other hand, to raise it up and--try to get those fingers around his throat, too. )
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That's really not how triggers work.
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( alternatively he can just take caleb with him everywhere and have caleb actually shove him out of panic mode if he gets into it again. his own personal emotions balancer. that sounds easier.
oliver leans into caleb's hands, puts a little pressure against his neck. the panic flares--just for a moment, before oliver's refocusing on caleb himself. )
We could make it more fun.
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[ there's probably easier ways, caleb could offer to lean into his power more, make the trigger go away via like... conditioning. he could make oli feel good about it.
but that would feel wrong and might send caleb into a panic attack, so he's just not gonna offer. ]
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( the empathy thing and all. )
It wouldn't make making out any harder if you just made it go away.
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[ caleb doesn't actually know. he hasn't really talked about this at depth with anyone. ]
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( genuinely, because like. he doesn't like it. he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. he doesn't really want to leave here and find someone else to text asking them to actually try choking him but like. do it around him struggling until he stops so he chills out. that'd probably be effective, right. if he's just forced through the trauma and has to come out the other end. that sounds about right. )
Is it really fucked up if I ask you to do it? And if it doesn't work, then we'll know for later that it doesn't.
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[ he's very glad he's not oli's therapist because he doesn't have to try to sound sure about this. he's really not. ]
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( see he can be reasonable. kind of. oliver does push caleb's hands away from his neck for the moment, so he can move a hand down to press it against the mattress beside caleb's head. leans in close to him so he can press just the whisper of a kiss against his lips. )
Sound reasonable?
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[ caleb pulls him in for a proper kiss. ]
If it's Nick, I can probably keep the fear down even with a wall between us.
[ he figures it's worth saying it because oli and nick are close and he's an obvious choice. ]
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( but he likes the kisses, and goes from one to another easily enough. nips soft at caleb's lower lip, before he's speaking while still pressed close. )
I've got an idea for someone though.
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[ caleb hasn't actually done any kind of groupsex yet, and he's not against it, but attraction is tricky for him. ]
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