[ is that mutable? surely the darkling justified it by presenting everything in opposition to him as a betrayal. alina had justified her actions in the fold the same way. ]
[ although, maybe it's naive of him. caleb's never had a terribly high stakes problem, while alina seems to be the... fate on the world in her hands kind. ]
Trust is harder to come by than that. At least for me.
[ is that because she's cynical, or is it because she's the sun summoner and everyone in ravka and beyond wants to use her for something? alina sighs. ]
You've never trusted a friend with something and had them turn on you? [ even in a small way, she thinks, certainly he must understand. it wasn't like alina's life hadn't had plenty of disappointments before she was the sun summoner. or before she knew, anyway. ]
[ adam had disclosed more information to his parents than caleb was comfortable with, but they hadn't really talked about it beforehand and there was a lot of stuff neither of them had known at the time. ]
And I mean, there's high school stuff. And football stuff, like setting a play and someone fucking it up on purpose, but nothing super bad.
I have all the physical ability of a weed, so unless you want to assure your team loses ...
[ she's laughing, though. and it feels good to be invited. so she relents a little, and admits, ]
Maybe I can just watch.
[ she'd like to watch. she'd like to know what it's like to be a part of something, to have friends, to have mal's easy manner with people. maybe if she could just inhabit some of his better qualities instead of her own grouchiness. ]
[ she snorts because she knows that it's not actually relevant here, but it's impossible not to point out how convenient tackling makes everything. but she's seen the soldiers of the first army play similar games. alina was never invited. alina was never interested. she's always been too sickly for that kind of thing. but mal had played, and sometimes, alina had watched. ]
The people here are very creative. Or ... maybe utterly uncreative? [ more laughter. she sits back on the couch more comfortably, giving up on the phone entirely. she rests her elbow on the back of the couch and curls her knees up onto the cushion to face him more fully. more seriously, she asks, ] Are you sure you want me there? I don't want to ... I don't know, intrude.
[ her idea of normal is leading armies and fighting wars and dreaming of banishing the fold. football had never factored in. no wonder mal resented her power. ]
But there's no better time to learn. It might be nice, for once. To just be normal. My friend Mal, he was always the more sociable one.
Yeah. [ she sobers a little. ] He's the one I had in mind when I was having trouble figuring out how to ... [ she gestures limply, as if to indicate their entire circumstance. ] You know. Manage?
[ he's the thing holding her back. ]
It's stupid, you know, I don't think he'd worry about it. Not that he doesn't care. He does. But people just like him. He has an easy time of it.
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[ is that mutable? surely the darkling justified it by presenting everything in opposition to him as a betrayal. alina had justified her actions in the fold the same way. ]
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[ although, maybe it's naive of him. caleb's never had a terribly high stakes problem, while alina seems to be the... fate on the world in her hands kind. ]
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[ is that because she's cynical, or is it because she's the sun summoner and everyone in ravka and beyond wants to use her for something? alina sighs. ]
You've never trusted a friend with something and had them turn on you? [ even in a small way, she thinks, certainly he must understand. it wasn't like alina's life hadn't had plenty of disappointments before she was the sun summoner. or before she knew, anyway. ]
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[ adam had disclosed more information to his parents than caleb was comfortable with, but they hadn't really talked about it beforehand and there was a lot of stuff neither of them had known at the time. ]
And I mean, there's high school stuff. And football stuff, like setting a play and someone fucking it up on purpose, but nothing super bad.
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What's football?
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[ that's the gist of it, at least. ]
We got a group who sometimes plays on weekends and stuff, you should come next time.
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[ she's laughing, though. and it feels good to be invited. so she relents a little, and admits, ]
Maybe I can just watch.
[ she'd like to watch. she'd like to know what it's like to be a part of something, to have friends, to have mal's easy manner with people. maybe if she could just inhabit some of his better qualities instead of her own grouchiness. ]
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[ reggie is competitive as hell, but cooler caleb can play nice, and gar is just learning too. they can probably make two mostly even teams. ]
But just watching is fine too. There's a lot of tackling involved.
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[ she snorts because she knows that it's not actually relevant here, but it's impossible not to point out how convenient tackling makes everything. but she's seen the soldiers of the first army play similar games. alina was never invited. alina was never interested. she's always been too sickly for that kind of thing. but mal had played, and sometimes, alina had watched. ]
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[ he's not lying, but his tone is teasing. he doesn't have a problem with everything here being a sex thing, mostly because it'd be exhausting to. ]
Actually made out with a guy after he kicked my ass at football. It was fun.
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[ it's mostly late teens, early twenties jocks having fun. caleb thinks alina could make friends there, and it's good to have something normal. ]
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[ her idea of normal is leading armies and fighting wars and dreaming of banishing the fold. football had never factored in. no wonder mal resented her power. ]
But there's no better time to learn. It might be nice, for once. To just be normal. My friend Mal, he was always the more sociable one.
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[ this mal sounds important. and just because caleb doesn't like to think about home doesn't mean alina is the same. ]
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[ he's the thing holding her back. ]
It's stupid, you know, I don't think he'd worry about it. Not that he doesn't care. He does. But people just like him. He has an easy time of it.