I get it, it took me like, a solid year of weekly sessions before I started feeling like I was making any progress. Everyone else said I was doing better, but I didn't see it at all.
[ it's embarrassing to think about it now, but he's being honest, and maybe it'll help nick to know this is just how it goes. ]
( it isn't that long, really, for progress. nick is coming up on a year here, it's not that long, really. but a year, when everything feels so imminently awful, feels like a lifetime. )
I could do it with magic, probably. Find a spell, wipe my memories, I keep thinking about it, but...there's always consequences with stuff like that.
I mean, I was a kid and I was feeling everyone's feelings. Kinda felt like a balloon about to blow up all of the time.
[ he doesn't like the idea of short-cuts, even magic ones. they don't sound healthy. but it sounds like nick's already talked himself out of it, so he can let it go. ]
You could come play football with us, also I run every morning if you wanna get into that.
[ his personality doesn't always match it, but caleb's a full-blown jock. there's weights in the corner he forgot to put away. ]
( it would be easy to just grin and blow it off — he does, a little, with a vague smirk directed at the ceiling. but he doesn't let the joke become the new direction of the conversation, closing his eyes instead. )
I think, I want to run. I want to like, actually try new things, you know? Make different choices.
It gets my mind off things. I take a trail down the beach, I can pick you up. I think you'll like it, the key to it is to do it in increments, don't try to run a mile right away.
[ exercise is a lot easier than psych, caleb can totally get nick running without making him hate it. ]
I think too much, like, all the time. If running can help that like, even a little, I'll take it.
( it's the sort of thing he'd toyed with, when he first got his memories back and decided he needed to do something quickly, but never followed through with. the idea of "#selfcare" had ultimately been far more attractive than any real work. )
If I throw up you can't make fun of me. I'm pretty sure I've run like, once in my whole life.
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[ it's embarrassing to think about it now, but he's being honest, and maybe it'll help nick to know this is just how it goes. ]
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( it isn't that long, really, for progress. nick is coming up on a year here, it's not that long, really. but a year, when everything feels so imminently awful, feels like a lifetime. )
I could do it with magic, probably. Find a spell, wipe my memories, I keep thinking about it, but...there's always consequences with stuff like that.
Nate's going to teach me how to fight.
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[ he doesn't like the idea of short-cuts, even magic ones. they don't sound healthy. but it sounds like nick's already talked himself out of it, so he can let it go. ]
You could come play football with us, also I run every morning if you wanna get into that.
[ his personality doesn't always match it, but caleb's a full-blown jock. there's weights in the corner he forgot to put away. ]
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( it would be easy to just grin and blow it off — he does, a little, with a vague smirk directed at the ceiling. but he doesn't let the joke become the new direction of the conversation, closing his eyes instead. )
I think, I want to run. I want to like, actually try new things, you know? Make different choices.
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[ exercise is a lot easier than psych, caleb can totally get nick running without making him hate it. ]
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( it's the sort of thing he'd toyed with, when he first got his memories back and decided he needed to do something quickly, but never followed through with. the idea of "#selfcare" had ultimately been far more attractive than any real work. )
If I throw up you can't make fun of me. I'm pretty sure I've run like, once in my whole life.
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[ he figure maybe five minute increments and when nick gets tired they can just walk the rest of the trail. ]
Dire used to run with me.