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[allyourfeels]

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[meca]

( he could get into the whole bullshit about how oliver hasn't lived on his own since he was nine years old; he'd been in a dorm with a shit roommate for the first couple weeks of school, before got moved into pierce's. spent the entire time at bcu with pierce, then spent the two years following mooching off of nick in his shitty little apartment. how oliver doesn't want to live in a tiny-assed room inside a stupid shop that he barely even likes. how he likes having a significant amount of space to wander in if he feels like it, how he doesn't actually like living at nate's much because nate has so many people around him and oliver's new and he hates feeling like he's playing second to someone else. oliver wants to be first. but nate's got his boyfriend in another room and he likes that caleb, too, but it's different because they're over there and oliver's. on his own.

but that's a conversation that he doesn't want to have with caleb especially given their occasional sex friends but definitely not therapist and patient relationship. that's not even a conversation he's having with nick, because he knows how nick would react to it.

so oliver just. sits down on the bed next to caleb. presses his lips together in a tight line for a moment, before he's reaching a hand up to his ear and starts unscrewing one of the piercings, before he's. looking over to caleb again. )

So if I start losing it, you can, what? Turn it off? Because the last thing I want to do is react without thinking and burn half your face off or something.

[allyourfeels]

[ caleb takes oli's hand. he's been practicing, he's pretty sure he won't be taken by surprise, even if the panic's sudden, so he's very confident. ]

Yeah. Do you want me to show you?

[meca]

( fingers squeeze around caleb's own, tight. looks over to him even if he's a little unsure; having his emotions fucked with doesn't really sound fun, but, )

Yeah. I've got at least twelve charms that could probably kill someone if I tried hard enough and getting pliers to take all of them out sounds like a hassle.

[allyourfeels]

It's okay, I'm getting good at this.

[ it's a little like turning dials around, lowering stress, increasing calm. it's a bit like smoking weed but very immediate. caleb's being very deliberate about it, and very gradual, oli won't feel suddenly calm and cool with everything, it's just enough for him to notice the switch. ]

I can do it suddenly too, like, just shut down stress completely. But it's probably not healthy, and I haven't really looked into drops or anything.

[meca]

( if caleb wasn't calming him down, oliver'd probably start getting nervous over caleb so easily manipulating him down. but he does mostly trust caleb, and given his ability, this is probably the safest option he has to avoid. further accidents.

so like.

he'll take it. )

Kiss me? And then--touch me. Like, just a little. ( his throat, but he's pretty sure that's clear enough given everything else. )

[allyourfeels]

[ it's very easy to lean over and kiss oli, pressing a hand flat against his chest. it's deliberate, he wants oli to feel him sliding his hand up as they kiss, moving them just far enough so caleb's fingertips brush oli's neck. ]

[meca]

( making out with caleb is easy; he's cute, pleasant to kiss, knows just how to respond--when to press forward, when to let up, what feels good. probably the benefits of his empathy whatever. just like this is. his hand cups the back of caleb's neck, pulls him in closer. moves easily from one kiss to another.

the hand against his chest is nice, too; more contact, easy. caleb's hand slides up and just barely brushes against his neck and it. doesn't bother him. it feels light, easy. gentle, like caleb feels. )

[allyourfeels]

[ caleb keeps hissing him, and he moves his hand up, to the back of oli's neck— he doesn't want to go too far too fast. the point is to make it not scary. ]

[meca]

( cute. he's still nervous, knows what they're here for, but he could kiss caleb like this all day. the hand that isn't keeping caleb close drops down, presses against his chest. gentle contact, but he uses it to lean into him a little more. huffs a soft laugh against his mouth. )

[allyourfeels]

[ caleb uses his other hand to push oliver back on the bed, and crawls over him. ]

Good so far?

[ he knows it is, he can feel it, but he figures words can be helpful. ]

[meca]

( he lets caleb push him over. hooks a heel around the back of his calf to hold him close, drops the hand he's got on caleb's chest down to grope at his abs.

because they're hot. )

Yeah. I know I've already told you that you're hot, but just in case you forgot--you're hot.

[allyourfeels]

[ he's shy about compliments and can't help blushing. ]

You're hot too, and very distracting.

[ he's trying to focus here, moving his hands back to oli's front, a palm pressing firmly against his chest, his fingers almost, but not quite around oli's neck. ]

[meca]

( caleb's hand presses against his neck and that's--that's it. the position, caleb over him, caleb's fingers close enough to choke the life out of him and oliver's getting thrown into shit memories from before: william's fingers around his neck, william leaning over him, william gripping on hard and telling him to just die already.

fear builds up quick: oliver's heart starts racing, he can't breathe, throat constricting tight which only--makes him panic even more. )

[allyourfeels]

[ caleb feels the panic, and he doesn't use his power to stop it, but he does pull his hand back immediately and gets his weight off. ]

Oliver, it's okay. Breathe with me.

[ he can guide him through it but only if oli is still with him. ]

[meca]

( he's not. what starts as a flashback ends in oliver getting stuck in it. caleb moves and there's no pressure against his neck but he's still not--breathing properly. takes short gaspy breaths around not breathing at all. several charms along oliver's ears start glowing, vibrating with magic but nothing. happens.

not yet anyway. )

[allyourfeels]

[ caleb takes oliver's hand, and then he does use his power to make the panic— not go away completely, but ease back. ]

Oliver, you're with me. You're safe.

[meca]

Stop.

( it's not to caleb, oliver isn't speaking to him directly. he is shoving off the hand that grabbed onto his. raises both arms up to protect his head as he rolls over onto his side and curls up tight as he can.

coming down from it, but he's still--trying to pull himself back. squeezes his eyes shut. if he weren't so fucked up over it, oliver'd be embarrassed. )

[allyourfeels]

[ that's okay, caleb doesn't have to be touching him to keep turning the panic dial down. he can even dial down panic and fear at the same time, he could do it suddenly but he doesn't think that's the healthiest approach. ]

Oliver, you're not there.

[meca]

I know.

( but it's quiet. soft-spoken, entirely unlike how oliver usually speaks. his breathing starts to even out, eyes closed and keeping himself turned away from caleb. giving himself a minute to calm down, because he. needs it. )

[allyourfeels]

[ he lets go slowly of the panic dials, keeping an eye on it just in case it flips again. he won't leave oliver until he's sure he's fine. ]

It's okay. Like, it's fine to freak out— it sucks, but it's normal.

[meca]

( oliver doesn't answer for a bit. just. breathes through it. he was hoping they could just like. do this without the panic. use caleb's ability to stop it entirely until like it just stopped on it's own. fucking caleb, making him do it the hard way.

but eventually, he opens his eyes. turns back around so he's laying on his back. his eyes are a little wet from his almost crying episode, but oliver's raising a hand up to shove his palm against his eyes to get rid of the wetness. )

Try it again?

[allyourfeels]

Hey, exposure therapy is meant to be gradual. I don't think trying it again right away is a good idea.

[ but, but, he's not oli's therapist so he's not going to stop him. ]

I think... maybe if we don't kiss. And you see it coming, like, you know what's happening and what I'm doing, then it won't catch you by surprise.

[meca]

I've got a couple weeks to get over it. Fucking around and telling people to avoid touching me there at all is a little inconvenient.

( so no kissing, fine. he's still a little on edge--not like, emotionally, but mentally. )

Can we try it? If it doesn't work out, we can drop it for now.

[allyourfeels]

Okay, but... what if I lie down and you straddle me instead?

[ that way oliver has an easy way out, less... claustrophobic, maybe. ]

[meca]

You're going to turn me on, talking like that.

( he's feeling good enough to tease, which is clearly good enough. right? another breath in, and oliver sits himself up. rubs a hand against the side of his neck. )

Make yourself comfortable?