( much better. oliver reaches below the front counter, grabs onto a bag of joints he'd stashed under it. pulls one out and raises it to his lips, lighting it with a snap of his fingers. weed improves everything. )
So like, when I first got here I contracted to a Dominant who was bad news. Right? Now he's gone and all that shit's over, but before he made his exit, he wrapped his fingers around my throat and didn't. let up. Like not in a kinky context, in a I'm going to kill you kind of way. Branded my fucking eye in the process, too. Only reason I didn't die is because someone came around and pulled me back before death set in.
( three seconds later and it would have been too late; he'd have been gone just like william, and oliver really doesn't want to know what'd happen if he died and just. came back here. how the corruption would taint him. that's a nightmare for another day. )
No big deal, whatever. ( except it is a big deal. he still has nightmares about it. wakes up in a cold sweat sometimes, gasping for air before he remembers he's in his own stupid bed and not on the floor in william's apartment anymore. ) I made it out. Except now whenever someone puts their fingers even close to my neck I freak out. Last time it happened, I nearly killed the guy who did it. ( actually did kill him, but tate's a ghost. oliver feels bad about it, but less bad than he would feel if tate legitimately didn't come back from it. )
I need to like, stop that? Because neck touches are totally normal and getting fucked over because someone's caressing my neck is stupid.
[ it's suddenly very clear why oli and nick are friends, same need to dismiss terrible trauma with 'no big deal, whatever' ]
Dude, having a stress response to a traumatizing event is normal and healthy.
[ there's a lot more there to unpack, branding and near death experiences and oli nearly killing a guy. but he's gotta address one thing at a time. ]
Okay, so there's a lot there you should absolutely talk about. But I get that I'm pointedly not your therapist, so, uh, you got the trigger narrowed down, so exposure therapy is probably the way to go. You tell someone you trust about it, and then you get your body to stop reacting to it by, well, exposing yourself to the trigger, gradually.
[ caleb's not really into choke play but he'd be willing to help. he has the whole empathy thing on his side, and he could stop oli from trying to kill him if things blew up. ]
[ he thinks he knows the guy oli spoke too because caleb spoke to him too. ]
I mean, I think I'd be crossing some kind of line if I were your therapist, but I can help with this. And like— I got the reverse empathy stuff, so if I could help you not panic if it got bad.
( another drag from his joint, before he's putting it out in the ashtray below the counter and heading to the hall towards the back. stops at the first door to open it to a small bedroom: it has a bed, a nightstand, a mini fridge--basic shit. )
( he could get into the whole bullshit about how oliver hasn't lived on his own since he was nine years old; he'd been in a dorm with a shit roommate for the first couple weeks of school, before got moved into pierce's. spent the entire time at bcu with pierce, then spent the two years following mooching off of nick in his shitty little apartment. how oliver doesn't want to live in a tiny-assed room inside a stupid shop that he barely even likes. how he likes having a significant amount of space to wander in if he feels like it, how he doesn't actually like living at nate's much because nate has so many people around him and oliver's new and he hates feeling like he's playing second to someone else. oliver wants to be first. but nate's got his boyfriend in another room and he likes that caleb, too, but it's different because they're over there and oliver's. on his own.
but that's a conversation that he doesn't want to have with caleb especially given their occasional sex friends but definitely not therapist and patient relationship. that's not even a conversation he's having with nick, because he knows how nick would react to it.
so oliver just. sits down on the bed next to caleb. presses his lips together in a tight line for a moment, before he's reaching a hand up to his ear and starts unscrewing one of the piercings, before he's. looking over to caleb again. )
So if I start losing it, you can, what? Turn it off? Because the last thing I want to do is react without thinking and burn half your face off or something.
( fingers squeeze around caleb's own, tight. looks over to him even if he's a little unsure; having his emotions fucked with doesn't really sound fun, but, )
Yeah. I've got at least twelve charms that could probably kill someone if I tried hard enough and getting pliers to take all of them out sounds like a hassle.
[ it's a little like turning dials around, lowering stress, increasing calm. it's a bit like smoking weed but very immediate. caleb's being very deliberate about it, and very gradual, oli won't feel suddenly calm and cool with everything, it's just enough for him to notice the switch. ]
I can do it suddenly too, like, just shut down stress completely. But it's probably not healthy, and I haven't really looked into drops or anything.
( if caleb wasn't calming him down, oliver'd probably start getting nervous over caleb so easily manipulating him down. but he does mostly trust caleb, and given his ability, this is probably the safest option he has to avoid. further accidents.
so like.
he'll take it. )
Kiss me? And then--touch me. Like, just a little. ( his throat, but he's pretty sure that's clear enough given everything else. )
[ it's very easy to lean over and kiss oli, pressing a hand flat against his chest. it's deliberate, he wants oli to feel him sliding his hand up as they kiss, moving them just far enough so caleb's fingertips brush oli's neck. ]
( making out with caleb is easy; he's cute, pleasant to kiss, knows just how to respond--when to press forward, when to let up, what feels good. probably the benefits of his empathy whatever. just like this is. his hand cups the back of caleb's neck, pulls him in closer. moves easily from one kiss to another.
the hand against his chest is nice, too; more contact, easy. caleb's hand slides up and just barely brushes against his neck and it. doesn't bother him. it feels light, easy. gentle, like caleb feels. )
[ caleb keeps hissing him, and he moves his hand up, to the back of oli's neck— he doesn't want to go too far too fast. the point is to make it not scary. ]
( cute. he's still nervous, knows what they're here for, but he could kiss caleb like this all day. the hand that isn't keeping caleb close drops down, presses against his chest. gentle contact, but he uses it to lean into him a little more. huffs a soft laugh against his mouth. )
( he lets caleb push him over. hooks a heel around the back of his calf to hold him close, drops the hand he's got on caleb's chest down to grope at his abs.
because they're hot. )
Yeah. I know I've already told you that you're hot, but just in case you forgot--you're hot.
[ he's shy about compliments and can't help blushing. ]
You're hot too, and very distracting.
[ he's trying to focus here, moving his hands back to oli's front, a palm pressing firmly against his chest, his fingers almost, but not quite around oli's neck. ]
( caleb's hand presses against his neck and that's--that's it. the position, caleb over him, caleb's fingers close enough to choke the life out of him and oliver's getting thrown into shit memories from before: william's fingers around his neck, william leaning over him, william gripping on hard and telling him to just die already.
fear builds up quick: oliver's heart starts racing, he can't breathe, throat constricting tight which only--makes him panic even more. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: strangulation and branding mentions
So like, when I first got here I contracted to a Dominant who was bad news. Right? Now he's gone and all that shit's over, but before he made his exit, he wrapped his fingers around my throat and didn't. let up. Like not in a kinky context, in a I'm going to kill you kind of way. Branded my fucking eye in the process, too. Only reason I didn't die is because someone came around and pulled me back before death set in.
( three seconds later and it would have been too late; he'd have been gone just like william, and oliver really doesn't want to know what'd happen if he died and just. came back here. how the corruption would taint him. that's a nightmare for another day. )
No big deal, whatever. ( except it is a big deal. he still has nightmares about it. wakes up in a cold sweat sometimes, gasping for air before he remembers he's in his own stupid bed and not on the floor in william's apartment anymore. ) I made it out. Except now whenever someone puts their fingers even close to my neck I freak out. Last time it happened, I nearly killed the guy who did it. ( actually did kill him, but tate's a ghost. oliver feels bad about it, but less bad than he would feel if tate legitimately didn't come back from it. )
I need to like, stop that? Because neck touches are totally normal and getting fucked over because someone's caressing my neck is stupid.
no subject
Dude, having a stress response to a traumatizing event is normal and healthy.
[ there's a lot more there to unpack, branding and near death experiences and oli nearly killing a guy. but he's gotta address one thing at a time. ]
Okay, so there's a lot there you should absolutely talk about. But I get that I'm pointedly not your therapist, so, uh, you got the trigger narrowed down, so exposure therapy is probably the way to go. You tell someone you trust about it, and then you get your body to stop reacting to it by, well, exposing yourself to the trigger, gradually.
[ caleb's not really into choke play but he'd be willing to help. he has the whole empathy thing on his side, and he could stop oli from trying to kill him if things blew up. ]
no subject
( leaving him with poor caleb who already knows all of nick's shit and is now getting some of oliver's too. )
I told you about it, didn't I? And I trust you. ( about as much as he trusts all the people he's met here. )
no subject
[ he thinks he knows the guy oli spoke too because caleb spoke to him too. ]
I mean, I think I'd be crossing some kind of line if I were your therapist, but I can help with this. And like— I got the reverse empathy stuff, so if I could help you not panic if it got bad.
no subject
( so clearly it all works out, right? oliver isn't digging into the rest of it. doesn't want to talk about it more than he already has. )
I've got a back room. Or we could go back to your place.
no subject
[ because he does not want the angry green guy to walk in on them. ]
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( unless he really loses it, he's betting ragnor has other stuff to do anyway. grumpy old man stuff. )
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[ why go anywhere else? if oli is comfortable here, then here is a good place to try it out. ]
That door?
no subject
( another drag from his joint, before he's putting it out in the ashtray below the counter and heading to the hall towards the back. stops at the first door to open it to a small bedroom: it has a bed, a nightstand, a mini fridge--basic shit. )
no subject
[ it's tiny, but he figures it's better than the down. he's not sure if oliver ended up signing a contract. ]
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( because who doesn't like a good midday nap. )
Or when I want to nap without his three massive dogs licking my face.
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[ he sits on the bed and pats the spot next to him. ]
How do you wanna do this?
no subject
but that's a conversation that he doesn't want to have with caleb especially given their occasional sex friends but definitely not therapist and patient relationship. that's not even a conversation he's having with nick, because he knows how nick would react to it.
so oliver just. sits down on the bed next to caleb. presses his lips together in a tight line for a moment, before he's reaching a hand up to his ear and starts unscrewing one of the piercings, before he's. looking over to caleb again. )
So if I start losing it, you can, what? Turn it off? Because the last thing I want to do is react without thinking and burn half your face off or something.
no subject
Yeah. Do you want me to show you?
no subject
Yeah. I've got at least twelve charms that could probably kill someone if I tried hard enough and getting pliers to take all of them out sounds like a hassle.
no subject
[ it's a little like turning dials around, lowering stress, increasing calm. it's a bit like smoking weed but very immediate. caleb's being very deliberate about it, and very gradual, oli won't feel suddenly calm and cool with everything, it's just enough for him to notice the switch. ]
I can do it suddenly too, like, just shut down stress completely. But it's probably not healthy, and I haven't really looked into drops or anything.
no subject
so like.
he'll take it. )
Kiss me? And then--touch me. Like, just a little. ( his throat, but he's pretty sure that's clear enough given everything else. )
no subject
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the hand against his chest is nice, too; more contact, easy. caleb's hand slides up and just barely brushes against his neck and it. doesn't bother him. it feels light, easy. gentle, like caleb feels. )
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Good so far?
[ he knows it is, he can feel it, but he figures words can be helpful. ]
no subject
because they're hot. )
Yeah. I know I've already told you that you're hot, but just in case you forgot--you're hot.
no subject
You're hot too, and very distracting.
[ he's trying to focus here, moving his hands back to oli's front, a palm pressing firmly against his chest, his fingers almost, but not quite around oli's neck. ]
no subject
fear builds up quick: oliver's heart starts racing, he can't breathe, throat constricting tight which only--makes him panic even more. )
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