[ she watches the recording for only a moment. she's seen enough of them, but it's different to know that they're recorded in clips. ]
Everyone else seems much more comfortable than I am having conversations this way. [ she wrinkles her nose. the long pauses of saving and sending and waiting on a response puts her off. ]
[ he plays the video back so alina can see how it's done. ]
I prefer texting but I reply to stuff in the same format I get it. If someone sends audio I send audio back because maybe they can't text for whatever reason.
I prefer writing, too. [ she smiles. ] I can gather my thoughts.
[ but then she hands the device back over to him. ]
I hadn't thought about that. People not being able to. I guess if you're in a hurry ... [ she still doesn't go right to accessibility. but she breezes past it. ] Everyone's really ... open. Aren't they?
[ a lot of the posts on the network look to her like the kind of thing she'd only have put in a letter to mal. but everyone can read these letters. ]
Personal things. But I suppose when you've already seen everyone else without their underwear, what's left to hide? [ childhood trauma, she thinks pointedly. ]
[ nothing on her dom-finder profile had been terribly personal or disarming, but she could think of a few embarrassing facts on others, now that she's putting thought towards it. alina is just a little too self-involved to notice that sort of thing without prompting. ]
The last one published the empathy thing, which is fine because it's hardly a secret. And also that I may have killed a guy. [ which he is very much not okay with, but it's not like hiding it helps. ] Which is true. He wanted to hurt my boyfriend and I got angry.
[ angry is an understatement but he doesn't want to get into it. ]
On the bright side, I don't think I got any secrets left?
If it's a choice between letting someone hurt someone else, and hurting them to stop them ...
[ alina hunches her shoulders a little. ]
I wouldn't blame you. Even if he weren't.
[ she thinks of the grisha lost on the sand skiff. thirty or forty people, and they'd died for nothing. the darkling and ivan had both survived, despite it all. ]
Well, maybe this way he'll think twice about being an asshole next time.
[ alina is a little scary, admittedly. she doesn't seem entirely bothered by the fact that near-murder might be a lesson for this. at least, not given that it wasn't actual murder, and caleb seems aware that it was awful. ]
[ she realizes now that she's being scary. she holds up her hands in defense. ]
I wouldn't ... [ except, of course, that she had. ivan and the darkling had survived the skiff, but the others hadn't. so many dead grisha. just to free herself and mal. she lowers her hands. ] ... Sorry.
[ is that mutable? surely the darkling justified it by presenting everything in opposition to him as a betrayal. alina had justified her actions in the fold the same way. ]
[ although, maybe it's naive of him. caleb's never had a terribly high stakes problem, while alina seems to be the... fate on the world in her hands kind. ]
Trust is harder to come by than that. At least for me.
[ is that because she's cynical, or is it because she's the sun summoner and everyone in ravka and beyond wants to use her for something? alina sighs. ]
You've never trusted a friend with something and had them turn on you? [ even in a small way, she thinks, certainly he must understand. it wasn't like alina's life hadn't had plenty of disappointments before she was the sun summoner. or before she knew, anyway. ]
[ adam had disclosed more information to his parents than caleb was comfortable with, but they hadn't really talked about it beforehand and there was a lot of stuff neither of them had known at the time. ]
And I mean, there's high school stuff. And football stuff, like setting a play and someone fucking it up on purpose, but nothing super bad.
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Everyone else seems much more comfortable than I am having conversations this way. [ she wrinkles her nose. the long pauses of saving and sending and waiting on a response puts her off. ]
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[ he plays the video back so alina can see how it's done. ]
I prefer texting but I reply to stuff in the same format I get it. If someone sends audio I send audio back because maybe they can't text for whatever reason.
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[ but then she hands the device back over to him. ]
I hadn't thought about that. People not being able to. I guess if you're in a hurry ... [ she still doesn't go right to accessibility. but she breezes past it. ] Everyone's really ... open. Aren't they?
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[ like his empathy thing, keeping it a secret would've only hurt him. ]
Powers and stuff are so common here no one blinks twice.
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[ a lot of the posts on the network look to her like the kind of thing she'd only have put in a letter to mal. but everyone can read these letters. ]
Personal things. But I suppose when you've already seen everyone else without their underwear, what's left to hide? [ childhood trauma, she thinks pointedly. ]
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[ no one likes it, but caleb is completely resigned to it. ]
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[ people were blackmailed, seemingly at random. it didn't make much sense to her at the time. ]
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[ it sucks but it's just One of Those Things. ]
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[ nothing on her dom-finder profile had been terribly personal or disarming, but she could think of a few embarrassing facts on others, now that she's putting thought towards it. alina is just a little too self-involved to notice that sort of thing without prompting. ]
Have you ever had something exposed like that?
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[ angry is an understatement but he doesn't want to get into it. ]
On the bright side, I don't think I got any secrets left?
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[ she sets her device down on the table. ]
Is he alright?
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[ alina hunches her shoulders a little. ]
I wouldn't blame you. Even if he weren't.
[ she thinks of the grisha lost on the sand skiff. thirty or forty people, and they'd died for nothing. the darkling and ivan had both survived, despite it all. ]
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[ he shrugs, there's nothing he can do about it from here anyway. ]
He wasn't like... murderer dangerous, I don't think. Just an asshole.
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[ alina is a little scary, admittedly. she doesn't seem entirely bothered by the fact that near-murder might be a lesson for this. at least, not given that it wasn't actual murder, and caleb seems aware that it was awful. ]
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he knows a lot of people who just shrug it off though. ]
I really appreciate that, but also remind me never to piss you off please.
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[ she realizes now that she's being scary. she holds up her hands in defense. ]
I wouldn't ... [ except, of course, that she had. ivan and the darkling had survived the skiff, but the others hadn't. so many dead grisha. just to free herself and mal. she lowers her hands. ] ... Sorry.
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It's alright. I kinda like scary, it makes me feel safe.
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[ it's a tough admission. ]
But anyone who can make you feel safe by being scary can turn on you just as quickly. [ she shakes her head. ] I don't want to be that.
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[ is that mutable? surely the darkling justified it by presenting everything in opposition to him as a betrayal. alina had justified her actions in the fold the same way. ]
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[ although, maybe it's naive of him. caleb's never had a terribly high stakes problem, while alina seems to be the... fate on the world in her hands kind. ]
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[ is that because she's cynical, or is it because she's the sun summoner and everyone in ravka and beyond wants to use her for something? alina sighs. ]
You've never trusted a friend with something and had them turn on you? [ even in a small way, she thinks, certainly he must understand. it wasn't like alina's life hadn't had plenty of disappointments before she was the sun summoner. or before she knew, anyway. ]
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[ adam had disclosed more information to his parents than caleb was comfortable with, but they hadn't really talked about it beforehand and there was a lot of stuff neither of them had known at the time. ]
And I mean, there's high school stuff. And football stuff, like setting a play and someone fucking it up on purpose, but nothing super bad.
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What's football?
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