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[allyourfeels]

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[allyourfeels]

i'm not saying it is. just that having an atypical experience growing up led you to developing some atypical coping mechanisms.

like, you know, growing up not vibing with your family when that's where people usually find a strong support system, and you moving out at 15 with little pushback, facilitated you believing that it was maybe difficult for people to grow attached to you.

[extent]

ok work connecting dots like i see how you got from a to b but idk
like i was always a lot to deal with i get why i wasnt the golden child i'm not twisted up abt it it makes sense

i did have a rly messed up like "relationship" right around then he was an ass maybe its his fault 😌

[allyourfeels]

i rly think we need to cover the whole 'independent at 15' deal at some point. but it doesn't have to be right now.

is the relationship the one with the teacher?

[extent]

loool no that wasnt a relationship that was fucking
tbf this wasnt a relationship either but it was like closer to one
he was an ass it ended badly i swore off love forever yada yada yada and now im here eating my own words so yknow

#growth

[allyourfeels]

#NatureIsHealing

you wanna talk about the guy?

[extent]

nah not rly i talked to nate about it already once it was v illuminating
i thought the like shady older kinda sorta bf when ur in ur teens that ends up kinda sorta abusive right at the end was like a normal milestone we all went through but turns out i was wrong go figure

[allyourfeels]

you should put down 'my experiences are not universal' as a daily reminder on ur phone

[extent]

tbh it would probably save me a lot of time
who'd've thunk all the weird stuff in my life wasnt even witch related 🤣

[allyourfeels]

i wouldn't call it weird, just not the typical coming-of-age experience.

[extent]

i would argue that not typical is basically the definition of weird

[allyourfeels]

weird can carry negative connotations that atypical doesn't

[extent]

i would like 2 negatively connotate my atypical experiences

[allyourfeels]

that's valid, but how you talk about yourself reflects on how you think about yourself

so while thinking "having a shitty older lover was weird" wouldn't be like, a bad thing, normally

in your case, given your tendency to blame yourself for bad things that happen to you, that kinda thing can escalate and land into you blaming yourself for not having had a typical teenagehood

so to sum it up: yeah, that was weird, but it wasn't weird bc of you

[extent]

i mean tbf i could have just not fucked him so

(i'm joking)

nick why

[allyourfeels]

i mean, i know very little about the situation, but i just need to know he was older to suspect v strongly the dude was a predatory asshole

(i'm not joking)

[extent]

one of my bfs is literally a million caleb thats a very broad assumption to make ;)

but no idk. i think maybe we were just both a bit stupid + tried to be more than we were like. capable of and then like i was already a hot mess from school shit and it was just a bad combo yknow? he wasn't that much older

[allyourfeels]

im gonna put a pin on the immortal bf thing bc like. under normal circumstances immortals dont exist so it's a non-issue, and also like, this place being so sex-oriented drawing a line re:ages here is impossible and possibly hypocritical.

but how old was the guy vs how old were you? bc like, 4 years isn't "A lot" but if you were 15 and he was 19, then it is.

[extent]

he wasnt 19 [ ........ ] he was 18. so it's only like, 3 yrs

[allyourfeels]

3 years at that age is a lifetime

[extent]

thats very dramatic

[allyourfeels]

i'm not trying to be. i'm just saying, at 18 i was a completely different person than i was at 15.

[extent]

idt i was i think i think i p much stayed the same until here
i wasnt doing v much

[allyourfeels]

i thought u were perfecting the art of weed horcruxing

[extent]

why does everyone keep calling them horcruxes theyre not creepy :(

its true tho all i did for years was grow weed so im p perfect at it now

[allyourfeels]

fine ur happycruxes

did u talk to the wizard abt them?