god caleb youre so smart so like if i know its coming i can like think to myself uh oh u know how u get when we talk about this stuff and be all prepared instead of just feeling very cringe?
(ftr i'm pretty sure i was just born all messed up i can remember thinking that shit when i was like a preteen basically so like thats a deadend but ur still a genius)
it's 3 years worth of classes and going "HOLY SHIT!??!" + like 7 years of feeling people's feelings
but yeah when you know it's coming it's less shitty and more 'here's that karen again, she's gonna flip her shit about banana muffins again'
(and there's probs a reason, im guessing related to being in the middle of a p. big family. not getting enough attention growing up bc there was always someone around who needed it more, kinda slipping through the cracks?)
i'm not saying it is. just that having an atypical experience growing up led you to developing some atypical coping mechanisms.
like, you know, growing up not vibing with your family when that's where people usually find a strong support system, and you moving out at 15 with little pushback, facilitated you believing that it was maybe difficult for people to grow attached to you.
ok work connecting dots like i see how you got from a to b but idk like i was always a lot to deal with i get why i wasnt the golden child i'm not twisted up abt it it makes sense
i did have a rly messed up like "relationship" right around then he was an ass maybe its his fault 😌
loool no that wasnt a relationship that was fucking tbf this wasnt a relationship either but it was like closer to one he was an ass it ended badly i swore off love forever yada yada yada and now im here eating my own words so yknow
nah not rly i talked to nate about it already once it was v illuminating i thought the like shady older kinda sorta bf when ur in ur teens that ends up kinda sorta abusive right at the end was like a normal milestone we all went through but turns out i was wrong go figure
that's valid, but how you talk about yourself reflects on how you think about yourself
so while thinking "having a shitty older lover was weird" wouldn't be like, a bad thing, normally
in your case, given your tendency to blame yourself for bad things that happen to you, that kinda thing can escalate and land into you blaming yourself for not having had a typical teenagehood
so to sum it up: yeah, that was weird, but it wasn't weird bc of you
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so like if i know its coming i can like think to myself uh oh u know how u get when we talk about this stuff and be all prepared instead of just feeling very cringe?
(ftr i'm pretty sure i was just born all messed up i can remember thinking that shit when i was like a preteen basically so like thats a deadend but ur still a genius)
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but yeah when you know it's coming it's less shitty and more 'here's that karen again, she's gonna flip her shit about banana muffins again'
(and there's probs a reason, im guessing related to being in the middle of a p. big family. not getting enough attention growing up bc there was always someone around who needed it more, kinda slipping through the cracks?)
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idk my family are like normal our vibes are just not for each other or w/e for the most part, how are people u hardly even see gonna fuck u up?
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i got my own place when i was 15 man that is like peak my family isnt the issue
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like, you know, growing up not vibing with your family when that's where people usually find a strong support system, and you moving out at 15 with little pushback, facilitated you believing that it was maybe difficult for people to grow attached to you.
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like i was always a lot to deal with i get why i wasnt the golden child i'm not twisted up abt it it makes sense
i did have a rly messed up like "relationship" right around then he was an ass maybe its his fault 😌
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is the relationship the one with the teacher?
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tbf this wasnt a relationship either but it was like closer to one
he was an ass it ended badly i swore off love forever yada yada yada and now im here eating my own words so yknow
#growth
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you wanna talk about the guy?
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i thought the like shady older kinda sorta bf when ur in ur teens that ends up kinda sorta abusive right at the end was like a normal milestone we all went through but turns out i was wrong go figure
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who'd've thunk all the weird stuff in my life wasnt even witch related 🤣
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so while thinking "having a shitty older lover was weird" wouldn't be like, a bad thing, normally
in your case, given your tendency to blame yourself for bad things that happen to you, that kinda thing can escalate and land into you blaming yourself for not having had a typical teenagehood
so to sum it up: yeah, that was weird, but it wasn't weird bc of you
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(i'm joking)
nick why
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