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[allyourfeels]

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[allyourfeels]

it's ok, most people do it on some level. i do it a lot myself tbh.

[extent]

so how do i stop being mad abt my shitty thoughts

[allyourfeels]

i know i lit. just told you to acknowledge it and let it go, but if you can't, maybe try figuring out where the thought came from. like, you know 'i'm unloveable' is wrong, but why did it come up?

maybe the trigger's talking about long-term relationships, so once you catch that you'll know if a conversation's heading that way, it might happen, and it'll be like working retail and seeing someone with a karen haircut come in.

[extent]

god caleb youre so smart
so like if i know its coming i can like think to myself uh oh u know how u get when we talk about this stuff and be all prepared instead of just feeling very cringe?

(ftr i'm pretty sure i was just born all messed up i can remember thinking that shit when i was like a preteen basically so like thats a deadend but ur still a genius)

[allyourfeels]

it's 3 years worth of classes and going "HOLY SHIT!??!" + like 7 years of feeling people's feelings

but yeah when you know it's coming it's less shitty and more 'here's that karen again, she's gonna flip her shit about banana muffins again'

(and there's probs a reason, im guessing related to being in the middle of a p. big family. not getting enough attention growing up bc there was always someone around who needed it more, kinda slipping through the cracks?)

[extent]

nah ur a genius + i wont hear a word against it

idk my family are like normal our vibes are just not for each other or w/e for the most part, how are people u hardly even see gonna fuck u up?

[allyourfeels]

remind me how many siblings u got?

[extent]

7 but we're rich and super witchy so its not really that many

[allyourfeels]

u still got only 2 parents right?

[extent]

ya but fancy ppl do be like that i have like 15 uncles (only 3 aunts weirdly tho)

[allyourfeels]

jsyk it's pretty normal for middle children not to 'vibe' with their families and for them to get an extensive circle of friends instead.

[extent]

exactly, thats what i'm saying
i got my own place when i was 15 man that is like peak my family isnt the issue

[allyourfeels]

you do know that's not normal right??

[extent]

yeah but like its not sad

[allyourfeels]

i'm not saying it is. just that having an atypical experience growing up led you to developing some atypical coping mechanisms.

like, you know, growing up not vibing with your family when that's where people usually find a strong support system, and you moving out at 15 with little pushback, facilitated you believing that it was maybe difficult for people to grow attached to you.

[extent]

ok work connecting dots like i see how you got from a to b but idk
like i was always a lot to deal with i get why i wasnt the golden child i'm not twisted up abt it it makes sense

i did have a rly messed up like "relationship" right around then he was an ass maybe its his fault 😌

[allyourfeels]

i rly think we need to cover the whole 'independent at 15' deal at some point. but it doesn't have to be right now.

is the relationship the one with the teacher?

[extent]

loool no that wasnt a relationship that was fucking
tbf this wasnt a relationship either but it was like closer to one
he was an ass it ended badly i swore off love forever yada yada yada and now im here eating my own words so yknow

#growth

[allyourfeels]

#NatureIsHealing

you wanna talk about the guy?

[extent]

nah not rly i talked to nate about it already once it was v illuminating
i thought the like shady older kinda sorta bf when ur in ur teens that ends up kinda sorta abusive right at the end was like a normal milestone we all went through but turns out i was wrong go figure

[allyourfeels]

you should put down 'my experiences are not universal' as a daily reminder on ur phone

[extent]

tbh it would probably save me a lot of time
who'd've thunk all the weird stuff in my life wasnt even witch related 🤣

[allyourfeels]

i wouldn't call it weird, just not the typical coming-of-age experience.

[extent]

i would argue that not typical is basically the definition of weird

[allyourfeels]

weird can carry negative connotations that atypical doesn't