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[allyourfeels]

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text | un: nick

[extent]

so like u know when u say a thing and because of all this super hard efforts youve been putting into emotional awareness and growth or w/e u recognize that it's like, a not good thing

[allyourfeels]

like identifying negative self talk?

[extent]

yes exactly like that when ur like oh boy thats totally not cool vibes

[allyourfeels]

yeah, i know

[extent]

ok so like


what do you do next

[allyourfeels]

can you be more specific about what exactly went on?

[extent]

well i was just talking about like love and marriage and michael asked me if i'd ever thought abt it like for me and i said obviously i never thought it was on the cards for me but like

i think maybe its not actually obviously? i think maybe i just thought that?

[allyourfeels]

you're right. and it's good that you caught it.

not that there's anything wrong with not wanting marriage, but i mean, if you did want it, there's no reason why it wouldn't be for you

[extent]

yeah like
i mean i dont know if i wanna do the whole married thing tbf that's like a whole different level of self reflection i havent even gotten to yet but like

im not like yknow
incapable of being loved like that

right?

[allyourfeels]

dude, you're incredible and a lot of people love you like that already

[extent]

right. and like obviously i know everyone isn't like elaborately lying to me so like realistically
the idea that i'm yknow like ✨unloveable✨ or whatever is most likely not true even if sometimes i feel like it is

negative self talk or w/e

[allyourfeels]

right, okay. i think you can just acknowledge the feeling, acknowledge it is not accurate, and just let it go.

like, i get the feeling if you start becoming like, hyper-aware of it when it happens it'll just end up driving you up a wall? your feelings are valid even if they're not rational. your brain goes '2+1=5' you can be just like 'well that's not right but i guess today we're feeling like bad basic math'

[extent]

i am bad at basic math tbf

i think the let it go part i need to work at. like a lot. idk like i dont wanna dwell but i'm also like

mad that i even think this shit sometimes in the first place

[allyourfeels]

it's ok, most people do it on some level. i do it a lot myself tbh.

[extent]

so how do i stop being mad abt my shitty thoughts

[allyourfeels]

i know i lit. just told you to acknowledge it and let it go, but if you can't, maybe try figuring out where the thought came from. like, you know 'i'm unloveable' is wrong, but why did it come up?

maybe the trigger's talking about long-term relationships, so once you catch that you'll know if a conversation's heading that way, it might happen, and it'll be like working retail and seeing someone with a karen haircut come in.

[extent]

god caleb youre so smart
so like if i know its coming i can like think to myself uh oh u know how u get when we talk about this stuff and be all prepared instead of just feeling very cringe?

(ftr i'm pretty sure i was just born all messed up i can remember thinking that shit when i was like a preteen basically so like thats a deadend but ur still a genius)

[allyourfeels]

it's 3 years worth of classes and going "HOLY SHIT!??!" + like 7 years of feeling people's feelings

but yeah when you know it's coming it's less shitty and more 'here's that karen again, she's gonna flip her shit about banana muffins again'

(and there's probs a reason, im guessing related to being in the middle of a p. big family. not getting enough attention growing up bc there was always someone around who needed it more, kinda slipping through the cracks?)

[extent]

nah ur a genius + i wont hear a word against it

idk my family are like normal our vibes are just not for each other or w/e for the most part, how are people u hardly even see gonna fuck u up?

[allyourfeels]

remind me how many siblings u got?

[extent]

7 but we're rich and super witchy so its not really that many

[allyourfeels]

u still got only 2 parents right?

[extent]

ya but fancy ppl do be like that i have like 15 uncles (only 3 aunts weirdly tho)

[allyourfeels]

jsyk it's pretty normal for middle children not to 'vibe' with their families and for them to get an extensive circle of friends instead.

[extent]

exactly, thats what i'm saying
i got my own place when i was 15 man that is like peak my family isnt the issue